vending machine story

there's a trick to picking a snack from the vending machine when someone is behind you, waiting. one can't be too decisive while picking a snack. i always pause, consider my options, rub either the dollar bill or spare quarters between my fingers. i don't do it obsessively; as if trying to start a fire by the sheer friction of my rubbing. i rub the money together with a light touch. i find coin rubbing to be abrasive after a while so, if all i have are coins, i throw them back into my pocket and jingle them around, making sure they never leave my palm. the coins must stay in my palm. a loss of a coin means a loss of control. i'd have to dig into my pocket to find that coin again, maybe lean over to one side as so many people do while picking change out of their pocket. for some reason, there is the belief that by leaning, the change will separate itself from the keys, from the dirty tissue, from the pennies that are no use at a vending machine. Such movement is not suave, it is not the work of a man of confidence. it is the motion of a nervous man who is truly lost, instead of a confident man merely pretending in a coy and playful way to be indecisive about the task before him; picking a snack, espcecially while an attractive woman is waiting behind him.

meeting an attractive woman at a vending machine is about the best situation a man can find himself in, if he plays it properly. After making several sighs and money rubbing noises, i usually turn to the woman in back of me and ask if she has made her selection; if she would like to purchase her snack. She will smile for a moment, considering the offer. sometimes she doesn't sometimes she just says thanks, buys her mustard flavored pretzels and leaves. fine, that's fine, i don't mind at all. i don't want to flirt with mustard breath. gross. gag me with a spoon, get out of my face. don't waste my time. the girl that smiles and considers....she's the keeper. she stands next to me, looks at the options with me. we must look like idiots, standing in front of a glowing box, deciding which snack will occupy the next 10 minutes of our live, which one will carry us to lunch. the task appears to be simple. pick a snack and go, but such decisions are not easily made, especially when another person in present.

first there is the debate between salty and sweet. chips or cookies. candy or jerky. either way, i'll end up thirsty. i look at the prices and wonder why a four pack of oreos is pricier than a bag of doritos. i look at the ounces of each package and how filling each snack would be. doritios would give a satisfying crunch with every bite, while oreos, because of the fat content, might seem more filling. both have a high rate of crumbs, but chip crumbs are easier to wipe from the mouth. oreo crumbs line the lips and stain the teeth black. that is no good at the work place. now the debate between salt and sweet has turned into a decision of neatness. the neatness of a snack is important in a social situation. first dates rarely take place at rib joints. it's too messy; too much of a strain on an already unsteady relationship. first dates should involve easy to eat food, something like grilled chicken breast, or spaghetti if you are one of a commendable amount of dexterity in the finger joints. if one wants to impress, an asian restaurant; chop stick handling is always fun and playful. all this comes later, of course. the deal must be set first, and all this starts with the choice of snack at the vending machine.

ask what female wants. what she feels like. see if she too is indecisive. offer to buy one of her two choices so they can share. discuss the pros and cons of each of her choices. share your laments about the recent change out of twix for milky ways. find a way to relate vending machine grid choices to Battleship. offer her crisp dollar if hers isn't taken by machine. go over own choices in head. anticipate what she's thinking. proximity. what her snack choice says about her. is she truly indecisive, is he playing the game too? cheez it vs. better cheddar. skittles vs. starburst.

sees popcorn in vending machine. thinks about buying and popping it. will the popping be too distracting. too ostentatious a display...gratuitous preening. plus, the microwave does not work properly. how can he pop popcorn when the "3" doesn't work. the buttery scent could act as an aphrodisiac. there is still much to consider when it comes to the popcorn.

man wants to mention things he has noticed about his female coworker, but is unsure of how his compliments will be received since he has never actually spoken to her. will he be thought of as observant admirer or freaky stalker. it is a fine line. he must chose the right detail. must not make any mention of things he has found in her car/trashcan or that he watches her go to her car/digs through her trashcan. a balance must be formed. action should be kept to a minimum.